I crouched in a ball, weeping in front of a slip of paper as someone stood on stage softly singing David Crowder’s “How He loves us.” There, at the ladies only 80’s night hosted by a neighboring church roughly two years ago, a sore topic reared its head like an ugly storm, and I got honest with God.
I felt Joanie’s arm cross my shoulder. Yes, she was my boss, but she was my sister in Christ too. It was okay. I wept on.
Really, I had prayed the thing out. There was little more to be said. There was only my stagnant life–my life as the forgotten “good girl” who would never ever realize her dreams. The lady leading the service had said to write down our biggest burdens on the papers and then give them to God…and that was the struggle.
The music swelled. “He loves us! Oh, how He loves us!”
I let it soak in.
Questions came: Do you need to have God plus something else? Is God alone enough?
My mind and my spirit agreed that the true answer was that God alone can satisfy. My humanity cried out for answers, and I’m sure this little barb came from the pit of hell–“What kind of God refuses to reward faithfulness?”
But, the truth is, there is only one source of true love, and only one perfectly wise Father who measures and dispenses with perfect timing the blessings and trials to transform his children into the likeness of Jesus Christ. Only He can work all things together for the good of those who love Him. God didn’t owe me a single thing. I was the one indebted forever.
I realized I’d been looking for blessings in His hand instead of seeking the blessing of beholding His face.
I picked up the paper with the single word scrawled on it and walked to the front of the church and left it at the altar with the burdens of the four hundred other women.
The word on my paper was–future.
He certainly has done amazing things in my life since that day; the best part being that He’s given me a deeper love for Him.
Whatever your word is, leave it in God’s hands, and look to His face. He loves us. Oh, how He loves us.