10 Ways to Weird Out a Receptionist

Posted by Lily-Bea on April 30, 2012

From my Xanga archives…

1. Sit calmly in the waiting room. Pick up a magazine and sedately flip through it with your head back and eyes closed.

2. Upon arrival at the counter to explain your troubles, tilt your head way over to the side and let your tongue hang out, while your eyes bulge out of their sockets.

3. Explain while putting away the appointment card that you have many slots in the wallet for many things and if anything got shuffled your life would be utter chaos.

4. Begin singing a 60′s song which includes the receptionist’s name in the lyrics.

5. After setting up an appointment for a “hair in food” greivance, ask to bring the evidence. Even if the appointment is two weeks out.

6. Explain that you want to file charges against a woman for giving you the look.

7. Upon your fourth visit wear really dark shades and a wacky hat and smile constantly

8. Grin slyly and ask if her name is French.

9. Laugh compulsively after every sentence.

10. Run up to the counter and ask “Can I ring the bell, can I?” Then repeat at the end of your visit.

There ya go, now don’t have too much fun with your new found knowledge.


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Talk about talk

Posted by Lily-Bea on April 27, 2012

The envelope was cream, made of thick fiberous material, cotton maybe. It smelled…papery. And scripted across the front in raised gold letters it read: “The honor of your presence is requested…” Wow. Formal. Special.

Bing! I looked down at my phone. A text. “I-HOP 2nite @ 7. B there or b square.”

Two different invitations in two different styles–yet equally appropriate. I love that about communication. The first one told me that the event was a once in a lifetime occasion, a wedding, something to take seriously, something to spend some time getting dressed up and snazzy before I came to it. The second communication was about a different event. Jeans and a tee would be fine, and, even though the threat of being square can cause some consideration, it would probably be OK if I honestly couldn’t make it. There might be another IHOP night.

In my everyday vocabulary there are words and tones I use to address children, lawyers, paralegals, clients, restuarant attendants, church-goers, and gym-goers. Understandably, it would be bad to get these mixed up. I love the diverse world I live in, and I love learning how to adapt my language and communication to be most effective with the different people I encounter.

I do have tool-kit words. Words that sit in my vocabulary tool box which I pull out at appropriate moments. Splendiferous is a good word to use to wish a gloomy package deliverer a good day. It’s more effective. (Now, like Mary Poppins’s famous word, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, you have to use that word carefully–or you will wind up with a not so secret admirer.) *clears throat*

Moving on. Next tool kit word (or phrase) would have to be, “So what you’re saying is…”

This is CRITICAL. (Notice how the word critcal in all caps really got your attention?) This restatement sort of phrase is super powerful because it tells the person you’re talking to that you have been listening to them, that you understand what they have said, and that you are making an effort to close off any loose ends by seeking clarification, if necessary. I love this phrase. (Beware, use it sarcastically with a certain kinda attitude and it could land you in trouble with certain authority figures.) But, if you use it with a heart to thoroughly understand someone else’s ideas, it becomes one of the most powerful tools in your word tool kit.

Also good to know, being wordy makes people tune out. If you need to get off the phone with someone, start rambling about cooking asparagus, in as much detail as possible. (I actually don’t recommend doing this because you will make serious withdrawals in your credibility bank with said person…but if it’s a surveyor or telemarketer, or some creepy stalker girl who’s hunting down your friend, have no shame.)

Being concise helps people tune in. Placing pauses in your communication allows time for digestion and contribution. Pauses are good. They function much like rests in music.

Yes, communication can be fun, but it can also be incredibly frustrating. Some people will not listen to anything you have to say. They see the world through a certain filter, and your message, no matter how well crafted it is, will not get through. Don’t beat a dead horse. Move on. Pray that God will work on their hearts and open them up to the message from another messenger, or maybe even from you later on down the road.  Even Jesus had trouble getting his message through. The gospel of John seems to be full of his disciples scratching their heads, jaws hanging open, going, “Say whaaaat??”

Some things can’t be humanly understood. And that is all.

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Trying to Exhale and/or Slaying Dragons

Posted by Lily-Bea on April 23, 2012

I’ve felt for the longest time that I’ve been holding my breath, unable to relax, tensed up, braced for the worst.

I’m almost positive analytical people never feel like this. Those logical creatures who iron their underwear and keep their socks perfectly aligned in the sock drawer would never go through life holding their collective breaths. Nope. In their world, things either happen or they don’t. No sense in spending extra energy fretting about it. They see life as a sensible thing. You live, as neatly as possible, and then you die. That is life.

For me life is about relationships. Ever heard the saying that the enemy of the best things are good things? Due to my tendency to explore and discover, my life has been caught up in a whirlwind of good things, and now, I find myself disoriented, sliding on shifting sand. So, I’m clawing my way back to the best things, to firmer ground.

In many ways I feel like Eve in the garden of Eden, talking to the Serpent. He’s trying to convince me that I’m not happy, that God is holding me back, that there’s a wide world out there that I’m missing out on. That’s why I’ve been holding my breath. I haven’t been sure whether or not to believe the old snake, and I’ve been wondering if he’s right, about my life (I’ll never achieve any of my goals if things keep going the way they are–I have to change something), about my closest friends (I need to broaden my scope of counselors and shake off some of these old fuddy-duddies who are holding me back), about my God (He’s just forgotten about you and your not one of His favorites anyway–so if your not going to be a successful Christian who gets God’s attention and approval, just have fun, why don’t you?)

Yep. There are times when an analytical brain comes in quite handy. Here goes my attempt at tabling feelings and emotions for a few moments and centering on hard core reality.

1. God Created Me–He knew about me and my life before he called the first molecule into existence.

2. God died for me. To save me. So we could be together.

3. The purpose for my life is to know God, and to learn to love Him, to develop my relationship with Him on a daily, moment by moment basis.

4. Beyond that, God knows and He will guide and provide light for the next step.

All the satisfaction and fullness I could possibly want is already mine. If I lay hold of the hem of his garment and cry His name, Jesus will turn, call me His daughter, and speak His peace over me, and I can finally exhale as he heals my wounds and diseases and fears and tears. Stop all the noise and chatter and listen only to His voice. Stop the world of uncertainty and rest in His perfect love. There is no better place.

1 Peter 5: 8-11  Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Incidentally, today is St. George’s Day…very appropriate because I feel as though I’ve slain a dragon too.


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My Mount Carmel

Posted by Lily-Bea on April 6, 2012

If I was Elijah, I don’t think I would have put water on the offering God was supposed to consume with fire. No, I would have made it easy on God. Maybe set up some magnifying glasses to catch the sun’s rays or something.
Staring at that raw meat on the wood, my soul would have been locked in a constant battle between two skilled combatants: worry and optimism. I can imagine them knocking each other down, striking blow after blow, reeling against my emotional barriers, thumping about so much, I’d be on the verge of busting out with howls of laughter or streaming tears at the slightest provocation. I would have longed for peace. Worry and optimism would have none of it.
Oddly, God is there. He’s in the solitary wilderness of faithful obedience to do the next right thing. AND He’s in the soaring joy of anticipation, in the awe of heaven, in my wildest imaginations of running free in the galaxy of His splendor.

 

Elijah doused the sacrifice with water, because he knew that if God wills it, nothing can thwart it, and all human advice crumbles to the earth like so much dust.

So, here I stand on a spiritual Mount Carmel before an altar of consecration, and I know that I have to douse it with water. God doesn’t need my help or my magnifying glasses. He desires my trust. He would love it if I taunted the cries of the world and looked to Him expectantly. Sure, I run the risk of looking foolish, and I admit, it makes no sense to me. Conventional wisdom would laugh at this. But this isn’t about me. It’s about God.

How do I know it’ll work? Well, the same way Elijah did. God fed him with the ravens by the brook of Cherish. He’s told Elijah where to go. He used Elijah’s life to minister to the widow and her son. I’ve seen the same kind of guidance in my own life. So now, on my Mount Carmel, I know He’ll send the fire no matter how much water I put on the altar.

 

Faith requires a certain amount of foolishness. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5.


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Feeling Dull? How to Sharpen Your Focus

Posted by Lily-Bea on April 2, 2012

 

“It’s a knife sharpener!” the lovely bride-to-be exclaimed as she pulled out another kitchen utensil. Casually observant, I had watched various pots, pans, and uber large cereal bowls emerge from mounds and mounds of Bed Bath and Beyond tissue paper, but this particular wedding shower gift caught my attention. A knife sharpener. I had to smile, because I knew…

Bob the Tomato and his Relations
Sharp Enough?

I HAD A DULL KNIFE

1. Neglect: It’s been a month since I wrote any meaningful prose. I’m not proud of that.
2. Tarnish: Instead of challenging myself to root out pride and self-pity, I’ve been moping, waiting on my social sphere to pull me closer to God. Since when was that their responsbility?

3. Rust: I actually succumbed to the “I’m waiting for my life to start” syndrome common amoung young single women my age. *sigh*

These aren’t big things, but they’ve diminished my effectiveness, leaving me like a dull knife, barely able to penetrate the skin of a tomato. I got worn down but God’s been…

SHARPENING MY KNIFE 

1. Focus on Your Talent: My pastor’s sermon from Matthew 25:14-30 was on the three servants who were entrusted with talents, according to their abilities, to invest and grow until the Master came back. (Application: Lily-Bea, get back to writing. That’s the talent God’s given you. Stop worrying if you’ll ever be good enough and just do it.)

2. Do Your Job Faithfully: The Sunday School lesson was on David and Bathsheba and the cascading consequences of their sin. It wouldn’t even have happened if David had been doing his job. He was supposed to be out fighting a war. Instead, he was home at the castle eating moon pies, watching TV, and feeling entitled. Ouch. Yep, exactly what I’ve been doing, having great “My prince charming is late!” discussions with God. So, instead of leaving that door of temptation wide open, I’m going to get back to doing my job.

3. Seek Out Worship Time:  God gave me a “coming back to the heart of worship” moment with the opening lyrics of Natalie Grant’s song, Alive. Listen to it. It will refocus you like nothing else. At the end of the day, it’s my responsibility to seek after God with my whole heart and to enjoy Him for who He is–no group can do that for me.

4. Leave Tomorrow In God’s Hands: Caitlin Muir’s blog had a post that really inspired me, so it’s worth reading How to Find Your Soulmate if you haven’t already. (If you subscribe to her stuff, you won’t be disappointed.) :-)

I’m so glad that God saw my frustration and stepped in. It’s no fun toiling away with a dull blade. What’s sharpening you?


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The Hunger Games

Posted by Lily-Bea on March 30, 2012

With Hunger Games mania sweeping my social media feed, I finally decided to join in. My co-worker had a copy of the first book and cheerfully supplied it last week, and as advertised, it was a fast read. (Having come off a three month endeavor reading The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova, it was a welcome change of pace.) The first thing that struck me about the book was the first person, present tense narration. Risky. The main character has to have some very intriguing qualities in order to maintain an audience’s interest for a whole book. Ms. Collins did not disappoint. She’s got a great knack for building suspense, hooks at the end of chapters, and layering conflict. She combined some basic plot themes together to form a powerful story. Here’s a few I picked out: Girl v. Society, Girl v. Antagonist (the other tributes trying to eliminate her), Girl v. Nature, and Girl v. Herself.

As for the themes of the book…I find them disturbing. The story is set in a futuristic society that forces children to fight each other to the death. It’s the rulers’ solution to subdue their citizens and create sport for the elite, and it’s entirely repulsive. Collins captures the hopelessness of the subservient lower classes in expert fashion. There is nothing Katniss can do to change the status quo, she’s just trying to live through it. Oddly, I feel the same way everytime the nightly news is on. Granted, it’s nowhere close to the same thing. Yet, there’s no denying that government is corrupt and getting worse with every election…on both sides of the aisle. Ok, enough with the political rant, and yet, not enough. You see, I think that’s why the Hunger Games have taken off. Collins has tapped into this helpless despair the nation is feeling and wrapped it in a powerfully written, well-balanced story with stark, disturbing concepts. She forces us to examine what we believe, and what we would do to survive, and how sad and brutal it looks if we do succeed in that survival.

I’ve started on the second book. I’m looking forward to how this goes. I’m hoping that at the end, Collins will show that one person can make a difference.

P.S.

I watched the film. Excellent adaptation and a bit more discreet in places than the books. (I was very distracted with how I would have directed the scenes the way they played out in my head from reading the book…but I think that is a product of first person, present tense narrative. It’s very strong and forms good imagery bond with the reader…but I digress.)


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Sixty-Five Cent Balloon?

Posted by Lily-Bea on February 27, 2012

A comedian once pointed out that parents can be downright heartless when a kid’s balloon floats away. “Oh, knock it off,” they say in response to their child’s beleaguered cries of woe, “it’s just a balloon, I’ll get you another one.” It’s understandable because the parent has placed a value of sixty-five cents on that balloon, while the child has placed an emotional value of approximately three hundred adult dollars. It means much more to the kid. Imagine if the parent’s wallet, or purse, started flying away. Beleaguered cries of woe indeed!

Conflict is controlled by the value the characters attach to an item or outcome. If they don’t care, it doesn’t matter. The Shakespearean Acting Company that came to High Point, North Carolina a few years ago demonstrated this brilliantly (yes, they were British and the lead girl kept saying brilliant in the most charming way. It got stuck in my head for a week. Brilliant!) Anyway, they showcased the affect that stakes can have on a scene. They acted a scene involving a letter, specifically, a discussion over possession of the letter. The first way they acted it, neither party really cared about getting the letter and their body language reflected it. It almost reminded me of mom and dad pushing junk mail back and forth across the table, neither party really wanting it. Then the Shakespearian Company acted the same scene saying the same lines, but both sides really, really, wanted the letter. The change was drastic. They leaned toward each other, gestured wider, spoke quicker, maintained eye contact, etc. It was dynamic and electrifying because they displayed the emotional attachment for the audience to see, understand, and care about the value they had placed on that letter.

 Whenever I catch myself dozing off in a transitional scene, I take myself back to that demonstration on stakes and ask myself, am I treating this part of the scene like a sixty-five cent balloon? How much does this mean to my character? What’s his emotional value? And voila, scene goes from blasé to brilliant!

Gotta love it. :-)  


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Courageous Movie Review

Posted by Lily-Bea on November 12, 2011

Courageous is the latest production from the folks at Sherwood who gave us Facing the Giants and Fireproof. This movie, cinematically, is the best one yet. The action sequences are riveting. (Okay, understandably it’s not James Bond explosives etc. but, nontheless, the screenwriters created HIGH stakes by having the audience emotionally invested in the lives of the characters.)

Here’s a little overview:

When tragedy strikes the life of a small town deputy sheriff, he is left with a decision to become angry or grateful. The grief is enormous, and his whole family is affected. There are no good answers. He puts the responsibility on himself as the leader of his family to bring them all out of crippling grief to the point where they can inspire others to make a difference.

There, I don’t think I gave anything away ;-)

Got to say…I don’t usually cry at movies, but with this one I just couldn’t help it. (Good screenwriting/acting.) Also, there were some great humor scattered throughout the movie. It was very funny.

Personally, I left the theater challenged to make some changes in my attitudes. I realized I had gotten too attached to a comfy apathy regarding one particular ongoing situation in my life. Courageous inspired me to re-engage, with prayers, and with hope.

If your looking to do something this Saturday, go see Courageous. You won’t be sorry, and it will definitely put things in a good perspective for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.


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Two White Boards

Posted by Lily-Bea on November 6, 2011

Sometimes you just need two white boards. After I finished reading the latest draft of my manuscript out loud, my dear mother declared (and rightly so) that the last conversation was downright yucky, and, her dear little face twisted up as though she was solving a massive algebra problem when it came to the structure of the final scene. *sigh*

One thing about my writing…I love layers. I love plot twists. It can make for a challenging conclusion though. So, after this epic fail, I betook me to the sunroom to watch some news with grandma, eat, play with the cat, and wait for inspiration.

No inspiration came.

I do want to get this book out the door in February, and my prelim readers need the book ASAP. I’m not going to let a little snarl hold things up. So, regardless of inspiration, I went back to my room (Mom kept saying it really wasn’t that bad, she just didn’t understand–but honestly, if my brilliant mother with her excellent processor couldn’t get it, I have little hope of a ADD ridden teenager figuring it out,) I cranked up some inspirational soundtrack music, and started outlining.

False King

I have a white board in my room, which is tagged with all kinds of reminders on plot points to insert at various places throughout the book. I quickly used up the rest of the space with the outline of the final scene.

Moving the elements around proved problematic, I wanted a master list to go by. So I hauled my auxilary board down from the Garret (My writing room upstairs affectionately named after Joe’s place in Little Women.)

With said tools at my command, I have unraveled the snarl, and all that’s left to do is the typing. I couldn’t imagine doing it without a whiteboard. :-) Or even two.


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Waltzing

Posted by Lily-Bea on November 2, 2011

Well, Josh got married and I needed to find something to cheer me up since my best buddy and friend for twenty+ years was moving on and marrying off…so I tracked down ballroom dancing classes at the local community college, thus, (somewhat self-consciously) embarking on my great ballroom adventure of 2011. Got to say, after the first two lessons, I found my confidence increasing, and the instructor didn’t mind my singleton status at all. I wound up taking everything from Tango to East Coast Swing, and, although Cha-Cha is my favorite, I must admit there is something blissful about the rythym and circular motions of the waltz. It’s rather romantically dreamy, if you have a good partner.

I’ve got to hand it to the guys–they have a very tough job. Not only do they have to lead (with their chests moving first, keeping their hand firmly on the lady’s shoulder blade, and keeping their feet centered under them) they’ve got to plan a string of successive pattens to get the girl from point A to point Z without boring her with a repetitive box step, stepping on her, or running her into a table or something. (Not to mention negotiate through all the other novice couples out there.) Yes…the men have a tough job.

But at least they know where they’re going.

A woman must always have a slight hesitation to her motion, always pressed into hold with her partner, eager to decipher the next indication, the raise of a hand, or the pressure of a turn, to know what is coming next. A woman cannot out think her lead, jumping ahead to guess which pattern is coming next. Haha, my poor partner had to put up with me swinging into a twinkle when he was really trying to do a fan turn. Poor man!

The woman must stay in the moment, stay in hold and stay slightly hesitant. I say slightly hesitant instead of listening…but it’s essentially the same. It is a communication without words, a yielding, a trust to the intentions and designs of the dance’s architect.

This is dancing. This is life.

As I hold tightly to God and move forward in the basic pattern of life, I must keep a hesitant attitude, listening for his direction, because He always keeps me guessing. But, I know He won’t let me go. I just need to trust Him, follow his lead, and see where all the twists and turns take me. I don’t think I’ll be disappointed one little bit. :-)


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